Today started off as a regular Thursday for me. I did happen to wake up early due to this crazy sudden wind storm we had. I suddenly got a call from a number I did not recognize and when I answered, I was more than a little surprised that this person picked up the phone to call me. I won’t put out any names; I just want to kind of reflect on this conversation.
Things between the two of us have not been easy. You know how they say it is crazy that two strangers start out as friends then become something more only to become strangers again? Well, that is exactly what happened. After the conversation was over (if you want to call it a conversation), I just sat there staring at the wall for a moment. When I have nothing to say and you leave me speechless, you know you hit a nerve. What was said was the truth. I was told something I always kind of knew but just pushed it to the back of my head, hoping to never have to face it. But when I was told what I did not want to hear, it really hurt. Pain is not my friend; I try to ignore it, to run away from it and I most definitely try to hold back my emotions. Crying is not something I tend to do. But, today, might have just hit my breaking point.
I don’t want to be the girl that is left behind. I don’t want to be the girl who knows she deserves a lot better but sticks around. And I am just plainly sick and tired of being sick and tired. At 21 years old, I should not be feeling stressed or weighed down by something. And the funny thing is that the only time I realized that was when I was giving advice to another friend of mine that was struggling through some problems of her own. Why can’t we all just follow our own advice?
I’ll tell you why – because we are scared to face it. It is so much easier said than done. But, once it is done and in the past, you wonder what took you so long. And I don’t want to be that girl either. The girl who wasted her time on someone who would do more harm than good. So, please count me out. I am definitely throwing in the towel on this one.